Enigma

For a few weeks now Mr. B has had what I like to call a "mini obsession." These are fixations on particular objects or concepts that only last for a brief time and/or only come up in conversation intermittently. His "long term obsessions" are extensive (as we know.) Sometimes his "minis" and his "long terms" collide. He's been talking about enigma machines. And cattle brands.

I had never heard of an enigma machine. They are basically German encryption/decryption devices used in WWII. They sort of look like typewriters. He captured my ear the other night at work about them...at the tail end of a busy day where patrons never seemed to stop asking me questions. I lacked patience. I admit it. 

He told me he wanted to get pictures of an enigma machine because he thought it would be a good idea to customize it to print out different cattle brands on long strips of paper. 
I have looked up cattle brand information for him before. Being from New York, I didn't know thing one about cattle brands. I didn't know that States keep giant books of registered brands so no two are alike. I didn't know that it's a highly complex symbolic system.  

He asked me what I thought of this idea. He invited my opinion. And my exasperation.

"Do you know how many cattle brands there are?" I sighed.

"500,000." He replied.

"How are you going to make one machine with all the symbols you require to generate all of those brands on a strip of paper?"

"I won't need that many buttons. I can combine symbols. I can sell the strips of paper. Roll 'em up and sell 'em as souvenirs."

"Where are you going to sell them as souvenirs?"

"Anywhere."

"Well, you should probably sell them at Ranches that people can visit. I can't think of anyone else who would be your target market for that."

He never gets discouraged by me. And I know this approach seems harsh. However, I need to get him down from his lofty froth of synaptic misfires sometimes for his own good. 

This exchange came a few days after he wanted me to print out a lot of seemingly nonsensical Google images for him at 20 cents a page. (Cowboy chaps, viking navigational tools, a 20 page article about a plane of some sort) When I tried to shrink some of the images down so I could fit more on a page to save him money he told me not to. He needed the images large. I asked him if he had money for meals that week and gently advised him that that might be a more sensible way to spend his money. (Money that he barely has, by the way.) He appreciated my concern but he simply needed the information and he needed the images. Period. I had done what I could. So I was forced to charge him 10 dollars and change for print outs that he will throw in his car and forget about. I just feel helpless and frustrated with him sometimes. This is mental illness. And I don't have any idea what to do for him. Except give him what he wants.

So we have the Cattle Brand Enigma machine which only exists in Mr. B's mind. He's not an inventor...he's more of an idea man. Not sure who he'll send that idea to. I'm guessing the King Ranch will be hearing from him sometime soon.

It was Mr. B's birthday today. He's 73.

Cracker Jacks

New Product- New Invention

Peppermint flavored eggnog made from Splenda covered on cracker jacks could be sold as a new product on a year round basis.

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The cracker jack carmel coated popcorn could have a new product. The new product would be cracker jack popcorn coated with egg nog mix made from splenda no sugar. New product. cracker jack popcorn coated with non-sugar honey. Another new product would be made with soil bean oil mixed with Splenda no sugar. 4 New Products.

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A Cracker Jacks Product New

Cracker Jacks soaked or cooked or coated with egg nog made from Splenda, no sugar. NEW PRODUCT NEW INVENTION The product could also be sold in bait shops used for fishing. Would add sales to the product line.

Hat

Mr. B had a baseball cap made awhile back. It's a white cap with light blue embroidered letters. It says:

POLYGRAPH TEST MACHINE ALTERNATIVE USE 

EXPERT BELL HOLE BLOW-UP TEAMS

He was very proud of it when he first got it. He didn't explain it, he merely took it off, angled it my way and gave me that familiar look that says: "See? Makes perfect sense. Need I say more?"

He paid someone money to make that hat. I wonder what they thought of it. 

I also wonder how many other people out there have a "collection" of Mr. B suggestions and letters.

Some of the Native American tribal councils around the country must have a file box or two. I'm fairly certain the FBI has one. I know for a fact that The Department of Public Safety sent him a cease and desist letter a few years ago...along with a box that contained an impressive array of his index cards he had sent them over the years.

He showed me the letter. It was signed. By some big wig. In ink.

His biggest complaint was that they sent all of his ideas back to him. "Prolly didn't even read 'em."

I don't think Mr. B likes his ideas coming back to him.
 

Variations on a Theme

"Any one [can] carry a switch blade knife, but not everyone can clean a window with it."
Old Scottish Proverb
It was found in an Aggie fortune cookie. Another New Aggie product.

(on back)

The steletto switch Blade knife company looking for a way to merchandise there illegal knives. A steel blade coated with window cleaning rubber on the window cleaning edge, with the tip of the blade regular slot screw driver. One edge of same blade a cutting edge.


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Any one can carry a switch blade knife but not everyone can clean a window with it. Just one of the alternate uses of a switch blade knife. That makes an illegal weapon a leagal work tool.

Ad

New Job listing found in Bryan College Station Newspaper large print maybe in red letters: "Hat maker wanted one who also sizes old hats." "Must speak Pig Latin."

Mr. B's Bumper Sticker ideas...

"Mother Nature doesn't move to suit people, people must move to suit Mother Nature."
Would make a very good window sticker that could be sold for the American Red Cross in any retail outlet.

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"Technology is only as bad or as good as the people who use it" New bumper sticker that could glow in the dark and be sold. Would generate a little sales tax for paper pushers.

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There's a new invention bumper sticker for Scot and White "It's a glo in the dark bumper sticker that reads "Dr. Quack Quack" sold in any retail store. Would help with driver safety. New Invention 1/2 Breed Cherokee New Product

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Bumper sticker could be sold at one of the Indian Reservations. "N.A.S.A. can place a man on the moon and bring him back but they still can't figure out how to keep a grizzly bear from out running a man on horse back. There's another saying for the old Indian and the old Indian is never wrong."

Sundries

New Product     ----     New Invention

A steam cleaner devise that could be attached to a 1 ton short bed truck. That could be used on overpasses for melting down ice. Could [be] used by nite crews during winter freezes. It would save money on having to use sand  & salt. Could run off butane or propane.

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New Industry     ----    New Products

A base ball (hard ball) (soft ball) with cattle brands on the leather being sold as collectors items. 1,000 of each make collectors lots of money.

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New Product   ----   New Invention

Take a puzzle holder (kind made from felt) and a tooth brush holder. Has great possibilities. A) (Smuggling gems in and out of the Country) B) Soaking felt in nitro. Then using it as a well casing splitter. Works really well. I think. Another test and research for Aggie test batelion. However must wait until they have a sheep skin.

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New Product  ----  New Invention

Not every one can afford furniture risers. Bricks are less expensive. Product would be a attractive cloth cover that would fit over bricks that were being used as a risers. Would be called a "Riser Brick Cover"  New Invention  New Product